every night, without fail
the dream, the cursed dream
part of me can't let go
only fair--I don't deserve that mercy
every night, without fail
I see Akkaba
as it was, as it will be
beautiful, desolate, fateful Akkaba
fountain of insanity, crucible of hate
symbol of all my failures
the dead surround me
accusation in their lightless eyes
cursing me in frozen voice
'why me?' I scream
'why not Apocalypse?
why not sad, twisted Tyler?'
no need for an answer, Nathan
you know all too well
the truth of their complaint
it isn't that I killed them
I didn't--though their blood is on my hands
it's not because I failed them
though in the end, I did
no, it's more unforgivable than that
I have never mourned them
they deserve that, at least
innocent victims, lost friends and kin
'give us that, Nathan, let us rest'
they plead
but 'what is, is', I tell them
the coward's way out, as always
a philosopher's trick, nothing more
a coping mechanism
to deny the pain
but it doesn't work
never has
inside the walls, the pain remains
one day they'll fall, and I'll be free
(or insane, I'm not sure which)
but not today
they curse me again
then, moaning, fade away like shadows
leaving me alone
wrapped in the night
waiting for a dawn
that will never come
the light of an absolution I don't deserve
alone, always alone
my soul as dead and charred as Akkaba
waiting to wake up
from the nightmare that is my past
wishing, more than anything
that I was allowed to weep
Argent Miscellany | The Dayspring Archive | Alternate Timelines