DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to DC/Wildstorm, and are used without permission for entertainment purposes only.
WARNING: Spoilers for AUTHORITY #28 (I think that's the number on the latest issue), death, bad words, angst, barely concealed disdain for Mark Millar...oh, and a shocking lack of character background and exposition.
Half Life
Jenny's crying.
I should go to her, tell her everything's okay. Only she'd see right through the lie, and me. She may be just a baby, but the spirit of the twenty-first century doesn't take crap from anyone.
I think you taught her that, Mid.
You would have been proud of her back there. Seth tried to use her as a hostage and she blew him into his component atoms. I can see you now, making that ridiculous face at her and saying 'That's my girl!' or something just as inane.
Maybe I should blame her for this, too. I can wait until she starts talking, until I can ask her why she didn't kill Seth two minutes earlier. Why, with all the power she has, she wound up just like me.
Not fast enough.
You weren't fast enough, either.
The irony's just brutal, you know. The man with the tactical computer in his brain didn't see the chance of his own death, or miscalculated the odds, or--
--damn you.
Our story wasn't supposed to end that way. We were supposed to have our reunion, and then rescue the others, and then spend the next two days teaching our 'replacements' why stealing our lives, our home, our PURPOSE was such a stupid thing to do. Justice, Authority-style. Then, back to changing the world--living in it--
The others are all right, more or less. Once I got the Doctor free, it was simple. Especially since you took out some of the bastards before you even got to rescuing me. Still, what they did to Jack and Angie and Shen--
I suppose I got off lightly.
Shen just stuck her head in here to ask me what I was laughing at. I didn't tell her.
They're watching me very carefully. Taking turns, even in the midst of coping with the fallout from their own experiences. I suppose they think I'll do something stupid.
I could tell them otherwise, but they wouldn't believe me. Hell, I wouldn't believe myself. But see, I know you. I know what would happen if I gave in. If I stepped out the nearest airlock and dove into the heart of the sun like I want to--
--oh, God, how I want to--
--I'd be leaving Jenny. Which I won't do. I let you die. The least I can do is not disappoint you, on top of it all.
Jenny's still crying. Sometimes I think she hasn't stopped since you died.
I was jealous of her at first, you know. This little scrap of a baby, crying all the time and making funny smells and monopolizing your attention. You were hers from the moment she laid those big eyes on you, and I didn't quite know how to deal with that. Didn't know how to share you.
I was learning, though. I wanted to spend the rest of my life learning--
--I hate you for this, you know? You bastard, you weren't supposed to die. Not for good. You were supposed to come back, like you always do. You're the Midnighter, you stupid asshole. Death was supposed to be scared shitless of you.
You weren't supposed to leave me alone.
I feel so lost. I know I have to stay, for Jenny, for the cause. I've got a daughter to raise, a world to change. Promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. It'll have to be enough to fill up the rest of my life.
The rest of my life. Sentenced to life. I wish Seth had torn out my heart, too. It probably would have hurt less than it does now.
I hate you for leaving me.
I'll never stop loving you.
I hope that wherever you are, it's someplace good, and Jenny 'Senior' met you at the door. I want to think of you and Sparks looking down on us from somewhere, laughing. Happy. Neither of you were happy as often as you deserved to be.
But I'm selfish, too. I want to know for myself that there's something more than this. I want to know that I'll be whole again.
Be waiting, Mid. Please.