Disclaimer: Characters belong to Marvel. No profit made and all that. Thanks to Thren for the beta and thanks also to all the people who looked at this at some point or another. Feedback would be adored at cosmic1982@hotmail.com
Shelter From The Storm
by Cosmic
He came to me in the dead of night, like a fallen angel returning to me before the curtain call, to gain strength for the final battle. For the last time, seeking sanctuary in me. I thought he gave up on peace and sanctuary a long time ago, long before he gave up on me. Yet there he was, drenched and shivering.
No words were spoken. There were never words between us. Words could be twisted and turned into something they were not. This couldn't be. Just simple and honest, or as honest and simple as we ever could be.
But what was this? I didn't know then, years ago when all was different yet the same, and I still didn't know. His steel blue eyes studied me with caution, as if afraid I would run away.
I never ran, he should have know that. That was what he did.
He ran before I met him, and he ran from me. And I saw that he was still running. "Do you ever stop?" I found myself asking and his guarded eyes smiled.
He didn't smile with his mouth anymore, I knew that, but that smile between his eyes... I had missed that. And I would miss it again after he left.
Because he never stayed.
"Never," he echoed my thoughts, answering to the question I had forgotten I asked.
He never stayed because I never asked him to, because I was afraid he would say no. Twisted logic, but for us it was enough. But still he knew as did I that I was more afraid he would say yes.
That was why there were no words to hinder our communication. Touches and looks were all we needed, human contact, because they didn't have to mean more unless we so wanted.
It was just need.
And need had kept him away from me for so long. Need and my betrayal. He couldn't trust me with my own life, let alone his. And he didn't now, but he was still here, still in my arms, still real and not fake.
This wasn't a dream, but reality. Even if just for this night.
Maybe it was enough, but not to mend our so severed relationship. There were some things that just couldn't be fixed. And this was one. Too much hurt and despair and regrets and hate was between us. We couldn't just repair it and move on. There was no moving on.
We never moved on, because we never changed. and we always carried our old grudges. Always. Except for this one night, like so many ones before. When we would pretend he hadn't shot Hammer, and I hadn't betrayed him and he hadn't betrayed me. That he hadn't lost faith and I hadn't gained any. That we hadn't changed and that we had.
That we were just two lone souls looking for some comfort in a world that hated and feared us. Because that one wasn't a lie. Maybe none of them were.
But you couldn't change the past, and the past controlled the future. Future's end was upon us and so would end our past. There was no going back, no changing mistakes once made. Because real life didn't work that way, even if he could do it, even if he *had* done it before. Because the cost would be too high. Even for him. Especially for him.
He would fight and he would fight and he would fight, and eventually he would fall. And he knew that. And that was why he was there.
This was forever. This was goodbye.
That was what his eyes told me. He was saying goodbye to memories of a time long ago, not me, I realized, as his mouth finally reached mine. No, he was saying goodbye to the both of us. To the past and the present.
Because once we were good. And I was good and he was good. So very good.
And when he lay sleeping next to me, the moonlight shining on his silver hair, I said my own goodbyes. This wasn't a battle he would win, no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did.
I closed my eyes briefly, sending a prayer to whatever gods I knew of, hoping they would protect him. Because I couldn't. I could only give him some comfort and my strength in the midnight hour, as I watched over him, so his weary eyes could rest. And that was enough.
And when I opened my eyes, it was morning and he was gone, off to slay his demons and fight the good fight. I felt no sadness. But this was just the calm before the storm.
~fin