Age of Cyclops: Scotty Muyo

by Phil Hartman

1/4/87: X-Mansion

#Scott, you've really done it this time.#

Scott Summers - leader of the world-famous, beloved uncanny X-Men, wielder of gravity and telepathy, telegenic spokesman for peace-loving mutants everywhere, and multimillionaire thanks to merchandising deals - tossed himself on his bed, dejected.

#Jean ... oh, Jean, what've I done ?# he thought, removing his visor and crying into his hands. #The Shi'ar tore out your psi-powers ... you didn't mean to slaughter the D'Bari, but we just let Lilandra's people shred your mind ... and now ...#

He wandered downstairs, changed out of his black and yellow costume into jeans and a flannel shirt against the January cold, and found his car.

#Harry's,# Scott thought, starting the vehicle up. #Jean needed time to herself. That's OK. I can't run her life, and she needs space after being ... savaged like that. I need to get out too ...#

He made his way down the road, pulling into the familiar nightspot, and entered with a heavy heart. Harry waved, drawing Scott's usual cream soda, and handed it to the hero with aplomb.

"On the house, Scotty," Harry said, watching his best customer sink into his usual barstool. "What's wrong ?"

"I -" Scott began.

His jaw dropped at the figure bent over the pool table.

A crimson waterfall drooped from her head, the just-perfect body clad in leather pants and a haltertop. Boots came up to her mid-shin, but Scott's eyes were drawn upwards to where the woman's face was.

Twin verdant orbs of seafoam peeked back from beneath the fire-fountain of her hair.

"You gonna sip that, sailor, or are you gonna get over here and shoot a round ?" she asked, smiling.

***

After she'd handed Scott his rump (and he handed her his last five-spot), they sat in a booth in the corner.

"Madelyne Pryor," she said, leaning towards him with another smile. "You thought I was your ex, huh ?"

"The resemblance is ... incredible," Scott whispered, stiff as a board. "I didn't mean to -"

"Well, judging from your reaction, the mistake is forgivable," Madelyne said, winking. "Now, what's a girl gotta do to get a big, strong superhero like you to show her around, huh ?"

***

Logan sniffed the air.

"Well, someone's been busy," he grunted, slamming a fist against the door of Scott's bedroom. "CYKE ! Get'cher butt outta bed ! We got a trainin' session in five !"

#Ain't like him t'be late,# the Canadian X-Man thought, leaning against the wall. He looked as the door opened, and arched an eyebrow at the woman standing there.

"Scott 'ported downstairs - oh, hello," the Jean-like woman said in a distinctly un-Jean-like tone of an otherwise Jean-like voice.

"Uh ... Jeannie ? I thought'cha went up t'yer folks f'r a few days, after - waitaminute, ya ain't Jean Grey !" Logan grunted.

"Madelyne Pryor," Maddie said, drawing herself upright with a frown. "Scott never told me the concierge here was a refugee from Mad Max."

She closed the door, leaving Logan to sputter.

"CONCIERGE !? SUMMERS ... !"

***

"Oh my stars and garters ..."

Jean looked at Hank McCoy with considerable fear and asked, "Is it brain damage ?"

The blue-furred fellow original X-Man turned to his patient and said, "Jean, it's pregnancy."

Jean went ashen, drawing her knees up under her chin on the exam table. "I knew there was a reason I didn't kill myself," she whispered, letting Hank pat her arm. "I felt the embryo ... oh God, Hank, what am I going to do ? Without my powers, I can't protect this child.... and if the Shi'ar find out, they might ..."

"They won't," Hank said, comfort and steel in his voice. Jean looked at him with gratitude, and hugged her friend tightly.

"I have to tell Scott," Jean said, standing with newfound determination in her voice. "He's responsible. He'll be there for our baby - he wanted to be there for me, and I'll let him."

***

"EX-CUSE ME !?"

Madelyne looked from Nightcrawler to Xavier to Nightcrawler again, then at Storm, a very embarassed Kitty Pryde, and finally Colossus and Wolverine.

"Madelyne ... not only does the bioscant confirm you are a clone of Jean Grey, but you are also ... pregnant," Xavier said, blushing briefly. "Apparently, Scott is -"

"Where IS Scott ?"

The rest of the X-Men turned, shocked, to see Jean Grey storm in with Hank McCoy. Jean stopped in front of Madelyne, then locked eyes with her.

"Oh, no," Hank moaned.

"He - Scott - you - but you're -" Jean breathed.

"Oh, that overgrown lovemonkey is DEAD !" Madelyne snarled.

"I thought I was the overgrown lovemonkey," Hank whimpered. "How come I never have identical twins show up on my doorstep ?"

"I c'ld arrange t'have Northstar an' Aurora stop by Avengers Mansion," Logan deadpanned.

"LOGAN !" Kitty shrieked, blushing brighter red.

"Mein Gott, Scott certainly ... well, he's putting me to shame," Kurt tried to laugh. "Where is our fearless leader ?"

Xavier checked the interior sensors, then frowned. "Scott, report to the medlab at once - and leave the rubber ducky in the bathtub !" he snapped into the comlink.

A wormhole teleportal opened, admitting a towel-clad Scott. He looked from Jean to Madelyne and paled, then dropped the ducky he was holding.

"OK, Mr. Studders, what've you got to say for yourself this time !?" Madelyne insisted. "We're BOTH pregnant !"

Scott winced, and said, "uhm ... I'll be there for all four of you ?"

"Waugh," the ducky commented, resuming its original shape.

2 years later ...

"... I could make him rust for you."

"Thanks, Maddie, but it's kinda hard to compete with a dead alien healer," Kitty said, gently wrestling with the giggling Nate and Rachel. The 15-month-old siblings pounced, shrieking with delight, as Lockheed made the mistake of landing nearby them.

"Careful, Ray," Jean said, glancing at Madelyne with a knowing smile. "Lockheed's not a stuffed animal."

"'kay," the girl said, shoving Nate's hand out of her mouth. "Bad."

"You bad," Nate snorted, scratching Lockheed's shoulder-blades. "Good dwagon."

"Well, he ought to know," Madelyne said, floating cross-legged in mid-air as she perused her grimoire. "Having a sorceress for a mother will give Nate the protection he needs to grow up safe and sound."

"That home sorcery course has come in handy - you managed to exorcise Charles of that Brood creature," Jean admitted as she sorted the shelves in the X-Mansion library. "I just wish Scott and the others would get back from Japan. Giant monsters always bother me ..."

"Patience, sister dear," Madelyne advised. "Kitty, hand me Emma's girdle, will you ? I want to inflict another voodoo curse on her - tramp, thinking I was just going to let her kidnap you and Doug. He's a nice boy ..."

"Maddie, let me recover from Piotr first, OK !?" Kitty snickered. "I appreciate the big-sisterly advice, but -"

A knock at the door made her jump up, but waved when Sam Guthrie rocketed to get it.

CRUNCH

"Madre de ... Sam, 'decelerate.' Say it with me," Roberto DaCosta teased, helping his friend off the floor of the front foyer.

"Ah'm gettin' better. Really," Sam insisted, opening the front door and dusting plaster off of his shirt.

The boys' jaws dropped when the shivering figure on the front step walked in.

"Charles' new students, huh ?" the red-haired woman said, looking around.

Jean, Madelyne, Ray, Nate, Kitty and Lockheed peeked into the foyer, stunned.

"You can't be -" Jean insisted.

"YOU !?" the newcomer snapped.

"I'M THE REAL JEAN GREY !"

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