It's All In Your Head: Part Nine
by sevenall
"Angle yer blade to deflect the force", Logan instructed her, gently, patiently.
The past month had wasted muscles and softened sinews. Not to mention all the different drugs Hank had tried on her. Elizabeth clenched her teeth and nodded. She took the stance again. Logan's blade came flashing down, full circle. Blade angled, she still staggered out of postition, out of balance.
"Ya ain't got the weight or the strength to do it that way", Logan said. "Angle the blade".
He corrected her stance and re-positioned her elbow. They were alone in the dojo, a small basement that was used for karate classes. It smelled strongly of old sweat. The mats were worn by thousands of bare feet.The fluorescent lamps whirred and blinked. Elizabeth shook her head to clear it. She hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and she felt weak with hunger. Logan whacked her on the shins with his wooden sword.
"Pay attention".
"Yes".
Sweat ran down into her eyes. She wanted him to stop. Never mind if he reported that Kwannon had taken her soul. They had been doing exercises for several hours and he made no sign of quitting. She hurt everywhere from muscle strain.
"Last time, now. For this one".
This time she saw it coming, took the step sideways and the sword turned in her hands as by itself. Perfect.
"Good. D'ya want to take a break, have some water?"
He wrapped a towel around his neck as he spoke. She nodded, stepped off the mat and reached for the bottle of Evian in her bag. Then she heard the growl. She froze. It sounded like a dog ..
"Logan, did you hear.."
She stopped. His face was a mask of animal fury, all sanity gone from the eyes. Drool dripped from the corners of his mouth. The growl became a roar and he bounded across the mat like a maddened were-wolf, towards her. Fear turned Elizabeth's legs into jelly. She tried to run for the door, but he was there, anticipating her move. He licked his mouth.
<Sabretooth,> she thought and then he was upon her.
She tugged frantically at the collar and knew that she didn't stand a chance. On form, playing by the rules, she might equal him. Never at the real thing. She twisted away from a kick. A blow came out of nowhere and her head hit the mat. The claws raked her shoulder as he picked her up. She dangled helplessly in his grasp. He grinned his feral grin and drew back his arm, preparing to run the claws right through her. She shut her eyes and tried to remember a prayer. Nothing happened. She opened her eyes again. Logan was still holding her, but he didn't pay any attention to her. His facial muscles twitched, attempting to mold into another expression. All of a sudden he flung her away with a howl. The landing knocked the breath out of her. She lay on her back and panted, small unsufficient breaths. A few meters away, Logan fell to his knees, still howling in terror and pain. He tore at the mat with his claws, shred it to pieces, and the howl rose to a high-pitched scream.There was nothing she could do to help him. She turned her head away and hoped he would stop. After an eternity, the awful sound did stop. She threw a glance at him and it was the sane Logan, tired and perhaps a little disoriented, but he was sane, thank God.
"How are you doing?" she asked.
He shook his head vehemently, though at himself, not at her.
"Now ya know why I can't stay with ya people", he stated.
"This happens often?"
"All the time. Let's go get some coffee".
He hauled himself to his feet and looked ruefully at the mess he had made of the mat.
"But..."
"Don't wanna talk about it, Bets".
He came over to her, offered his hand. She took it and got up clumsily. Her shoulder hurt and her armour was sodden with blood. She found herself shivering with reaction. He might as well have killed her, not knowing what he did, if he hadn't mastered his rage in time.
"But..."
"I said I don't wanna talk about it". He helped her take the armour off. Blood was spreading in a big stain on her shirt. "I'll get a medkit. Ya better shower and put something on. Ya got goose-pimples"
"But..." Her third try.
He regarded her with a sad and ancient look.
"Ya were lucky, darlin'. So was I. Coffee now, right?"
Half an hour later they were at one of her favourite little coffee shops. The subs were absolutely fabulous, she had told Logan, and since he had wolfed down three tuna ones, she guessed that he agreed.
"How did I do?" she asked him.
"Fine. Not a trace of outer influence". He stirred in his coffee. "Ya smell differently, though".
She shrugged.
"Well, I've got epilepsy. That could be it".
"I know. I visited Jubes on the way and Emma told me all about it. Did Chuck ever apologise?"
"No".
"Ah. Emma said he wouldn't".
"Emma is often right".
"So I've noticed. And she's good to the kids. What's happening at the Mansion?"
"We're acting more like the Freak Farm every day".
She sighed, hesitated for a second, then told him the whole story about Remy, Warren and Jean.
"Huh", he said when she had finished. "Give Gumbo a chance. He deserves it".
"You think so?"
"Hell, yes. I'm kinda worried 'bout Jeanie, but Wings is gonna come back".
"And you? When are you coming back?"
"I dunno". He put down his cup very carefully. "This one is a tough one".
"I need you".
"Ya don't", he said bluntly."Ye're doing well by yerself".
"I mean it. I could never be Mariko or Jean to you. Or Jubilee. But you got me out of Mandarin's house. I can't just forget it. You saved me. I don't understand how you can pretend nothing ever happened".
"Nuthin' much did".
"I was in your head, Logan. In your head".
His face was troubled now.
"I am yer friend", he said slowly. "I'd lay down my life fer ya if it came to that, but I can't be with ya. All I can promise is that when ya need me, I'll come".
"It isn't fair".
"It's love". He held up a finger to stop her bitter exclamation. "It ain't love the way ya think it should be. But it's love".
"I'd like us to try it my way".
"Sorry, Bets. Sharing bad times ain't enough".
"Sleep with me".
"Tell me what's wrong instead".
Rain drummed against dirty windows as Elizabeth gazed out at the street, at the people moving hurriedly, no more than coloured blurs in her vision.
"Somehow, I never thought Warren would leave me. I never thought the Professor could be wrong. I thought that you and me could be friends if we tried. I didn't think it would end like this".
"This ain't the end. Far from it".
"Do you really think so?"
Her eyes kept filling, though she did her best to look away from him and think of small unimportant matters.
He looked at her wistfully and put his hand on hers.
"I do. Drink up, darlin'. You c'n walk me to the station".
They plodded along in the rain, not saying much. Neither of them had an umbrella. Elizabeth's shoes were thoroughly wet and she had no coat.
"Nice necklace", Logan said amiably.
"What?"
"That metal thingy around yer neck. Titanium, right?"
Elizabeth felt anger rise inside. In spite of all the events lately, she had felt no anger, only disgust or weariness. She had thought she had come to terms with her lousy fate, how she was treated, the unfairness of it all. Now her anger rose like a tidal wave, sticking in her throat, almost choking her. As if all her swallowed bitterness was coming up in one big lump.
"That so-called metal thingy is a goddamn Genoshan collar", she hissed, "which the goddamn Professor put on and only he can take off!"
Logan's face went ashen
"Chuck put this on ya?"
His voice was a growl. She sensed the danger. SNIKT.
"Logan, no!"
As he ripped the collar from her neck and the world changed.
**Release at last. The restraints were broken. The entity surged forward. The joy of life! Life! Life!**
The world changed. She was transformed to water, flowing upwards, looking at something lying on the sidewalk in the rain. She was weightless and transparent. Everything was, except that thing on the sidewalk. And she didn't know why, because she was blonde again, her eyes blue like the sky and the sea and her mother told her she was the prettiest girl, but too wild and reckless. And through the transparent skyscrapers and stores and traffic-lights she saw Braddock Manor and felt the smell of clover and rain.
Thisisallwrong. Pain exploded, sky-rocketed somewhere else. she recorded the trails, but she couldn't feel it, nor find her way back. The feeling of gravel crunching under her sandals. She was going home. Thisisallwrongthisain'ttheend. Not the end. Braddock Manor faded. She was back by the thing on the sidewalk. A body. Some important insight seemed to elude her.
A cold voice she had hoped never to hear again and the memories flooded back. Kwannon. Purple hair. The body was hers and she had to get back into it. This was death.
<Now you know what it was like. Keep trying.>
The voice taunted her.She tried. And again.
<Well, then, Imprint, I need your strength. Help me or we're both dead! Again.>
She waited for an answer. There was none.
<Please>, she pleaded, then lost all inclination to reason. <Kwannon, Imprint, whatever dammit, do you think I ever had a choice?>
The answer came from nowhere in particular and the voice was changed, it sounded like a child's.
<I remember dying, I think. I didn't like it much. Alright, I'll take it.>
All of a sudden she was close up to a face with blue lips and the eyes showing only white. A hairy hand rested against the cheek and she could have laughed out loud if the other had let her.
<You love me, Logan, whatever you say. I know you do.>
She was steered in front of the nose.
<This way, like in the Bible?> she asked.
<This way.>
And the pain was unbearable.